This Morning star Ashley James has revealed she was raped by a ‘friend’ during her time at Nottingham University, admitting that she ‘blamed herself’ and even tried to stay friends with her attacker.
Ashley – now a mum of two – shared her story ahead of the release of her new book Bimbo. It’s out this week, and she said that she decided to include details of the assault in her book because she “couldn’t write the book and keep that secret”.
This Morning star Ashley James reveals rape by ‘friend’
Ashley, 38, was 21 at the time of the attack. She said it happened after a night out in a club with her friends, and took place when she was “unconscious”.
In a chapter entitled Silly Girl – a dig at anyone who has ever levelled blame at a victim of sexual assault – Ashley shared her story. She described it as “one of the very worst moments” of her life. She also said that she still thinks about it “every single day” – more so since having children.
Ashley is mum to son Alfie, five – who she recently revealed has just stopped wearing nappies – and daughter Ava, two, with long-term partner Tommy Andrews.
Ashley writes: “It’s something I’ve never spoken about, and yet I’ve thought about it every single day since – increasingly so since having children. It was one of the very worst moments of my life. I thought really hard about including [the rape] in the book. But because what I write about is how the world shrinks women and strips us of our confidence, I felt like I couldn’t write the book and keep that secret.”
‘I even tried to stay friends with him’
In the book, she also reveals why she didn’t come forward.
“Not because I thought the police wouldn’t believe me, or that the courts would fail me, but because the man wasn’t a stranger in a dark alley. He was a friend. And because of that, the only person I blamed was myself. For years. Even after it happened, I was more worried about him not liking me than I was about my own trauma. I was worried he’d tell other people and everyone would think I was a slag. So I didn’t tell anyone, and I even tried to stay friends with him.
“Even now I find it hard to think about him as a rapist. Even though that’s what he was, because I wasn’t asking for it. In fact, I was unconscious. I’d worry about ruining his life. Yes, I was drunk. Yes, I was wearing going-out clothes, having come from a club. But I was with friends – people I trusted. We don’t teach girls that, one day, if they get the chance, their male friends might try to rape them. It doesn’t matter what you are wearing [or] if you had zero drinks or 1,000 drinks.”
‘This shouldn’t be my shame’
Speaking to The Times ahead of Bimbo’s release, Ashley shared more details. She also revealed that it was witnessing the bravery of Gisèle Pelicot, who was repeatedly raped and filmed while unconscious by her husband and his associates, that gave her the courage to talk about her own assault for the first time.
Ashley said: “It took me a long time to blame anyone other than myself. This shouldn’t be my shame. The focus needs to shift. I’d like to think we’ve moved on [as a society], but we haven’t. It’s a culture that is still not giving boys the tools to learn how to navigate rejection or how to really understand what consent is.
“We still ask questions like: ‘What was she wearing? Was she drunk?’ Most of us have stories.”
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Ashley James on victim blaming
Ashley also spoke to The Mirror about how society still ‘victim blames’. She said: “As a culture and as a society, we still victim blame. We teach women how not to be raped instead of teaching men how not to rape. Men can stop raping us.
“Because of the shame, taboo and stigma, people still think these [men who rape] are bad apples or strangers in alleyways. And it’s not the case. We need to acknowledge it and tell our daughters to stop modifying their behaviour. Stop questioning what people are wearing. We need to change the conversation.”
If you have been affected by sexual assault, contact Rape Crisis on 0808 500 2222 or use the online chat.
Ashley’s book Bimbo is out on February 12.
Read more: Ashley James branded a ‘hypocrite’ over freebie trip to Dubai
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