Gemma Collins has described the past year as the worst of her life after several deeply personal struggles with fiancé Rami Hawash.
Speaking to Closer, the reality star discussed Joan’s death, Rami’s mental health and fertility difficulties.
Her new Sky reality series puts that difficult period on screen, far from her familiar television persona.
Gemma Collins reveals Rami Hawash turned to alcohol amid ‘struggles’
Gemma said several pressures converged during filming, rather than remaining separate private problems.
“Mum’s been unwell for 16 years and I’ve always been dealing with that on the side, but her health started going downhill during filming and she passed away [in July],” she said.
“Rami has also been struggling with his mental health and using alcohol to cope and, on top of that, we had fertility issues.”
Gemma summed up the combined strain bluntly: “It was like drowning. It was the worst year of my life.”
Her account places those experiences at the centre of the programme, rather than her familiar television persona.
Gemma became a household name after joining TOWIE in 2011. She later became known for her alter ego, The GC.
The new programme instead shows a more unfiltered side of her life. She said events reached a point where she could no longer hide what was happening.
Gemma looks towards life after Joan
Gemma’s attention is now turning towards a future shaped by Joan’s absence.
She has said she wants to make her mother proud during her next chapter.
However, she also faces the personal question of who she is without Joan’s guidance.
Gemma admitted: “But I have to work out who I am now, without her here telling me off.”
That uncertainty sits beside a complex view of bereavement. Gemma spoke about anger at Joan’s suffering and relief that her mother was no longer in pain.
She also said she had barely left her house during the previous two years.
Joan died in July, aged 70, after battling pneumonia. She had rheumatoid arthritis and earlier needed intensive care after a breast cancer diagnosis.
Gemma said her mother had been unwell for 16 years before her health worsened during filming.
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Gemma explains her changed family plans
Gemma’s hopes for marriage and motherhood originally shaped the series. The project first carried the title Four Weddings And A Baby.
It followed Gemma and Rami as they worked towards starting a family and walking down the aisle. They have dated on and off since 2011 and have been engaged since 2024.
However, those plans did not happen during filming, prompting a different direction.
The final title, Gemma Collins. Everything. All At Once., reflects the pressures that replaced the expected milestones.
That change makes bereavement, Rami’s struggles and fertility disappointment central to the programme.
Gemma remains a stepmum to Rami’s young son, while her own route to motherhood stays uncertain. She believes a miracle could still happen if motherhood is meant for her.
However, she also voiced acceptance: “If it doesn’t, I’m at peace with that.”
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