Sophie Ellis-Bextor previously revealed she was raped by an older man, a musician who she has named as Jim, when she was 17 years old.
Writing in her 2021 memoir, Spinning Plates, Sophie shared that she ‘heard herself saying no’, and added: “But it didn’t make any difference.”
46-year-old Sophie, who was a virgin at the time, is now mum to five boys with husband Richard Jones. They tied the knot in 2005. And, she said, it has shaped the way she has raised her sons – Sonny, 21, Kit, 16, Ray, 13, 10-year-old Jesse and Mickey, six.
Sophie Ellis-Bextor raped as a teen
The singer, who is on Michael McIntyre’s Big Show this weekend (January 24), revealed that she lost her virginity at the age of 17 after being raped at the apartment of a guitarist, who was 29.
“I heard myself saying ‘No’ and ‘I don’t want to’. But it didn’t make any difference. He had sex with me and I felt so ashamed. It was how I lost my virginity and I felt stupid. I felt grubby. But also unsure about my own feelings as I had no other experience to compare it with.”
Sophie described how she met the musician – who she called Jim – at a gig while she was studying for her A-Levels. He invited her back to his flat to see his history books. “And before I knew it we were on his bed and he took off my knickers,” she said.
‘My experience was not violent’
The singer said she was left confused as the public perception of rape in the 1990s “was not to do with consent”. But rather “something you associated with aggression”.
“But no one had pinned me down or shouted at me to make me comply. The things I saw and read and the way sex was discussed [at the time] made me believe I didn’t have a case,” she said.
Sophie explained that she had decided to share her own experience to help people understand “where the line between right and wrong lies”.
She then explained: “My experience was not violent. All that happened was I wasn’t listened to. Of the two people there, one said yes, the other said no. And the yes person did it anyway. The older I’ve become, the more stark that 29-year-old man ignoring 17-year-old me has seemed.”
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‘I want to raise kind people’
As the mother of five sons, the Murder on the Dancefloor singer said it’s shaped her parenting. And admitted she has been careful to introduce her sons to the concept of consent.
“I want to raise considerate, kind people who can take other people’s feelings into account. I want them to actively want the other person to be happy, too. Rather than just stopping because they have to.”
Sophie is on Michael McIntyre’s Big Show on Saturday (January 24) at 6.45pm on BBC One.
Read more: Sophie Ellis-Bextor on ‘scary’ hidden health ordeal
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