The Apprentice series 18 has arrived, and – absolutely no shocker whatsoever – the candidates of 2024 are the usual bunch of idiots, egomaniacs, and arse-lickers.
But there are some nicer ones, too (I’m feeling generous as it hasn’t rained for three days).
This year, Lord Sugar is offering a £250,000 business investment to the winner of his business reality show. But there are 17 other contestants who need to get fired first…
Frankly, it’s baffling how some of them even made it through the door, or even found the door knob. In episode 1 (Thursday, February 01, 2024), this year’s 18 candidates kick things off in the breathtaking Scottish Highlands.
Under the watchful eye of Baroness Karren Brady and Tim Campbell, teams are tasked with hosting a corporate away day, but there’s utter chaos in the kitchen and embarrassingly shambolic tours. I mean, from a viewer’s point of view, it’s TV gold!
As the series unfolds, here’s my brutal ranking of The Apprentice contestants taking part in 2024 (from worst to best)… And, like Claude Littner, I’m not going to mince my words! But luckily, this bunch have the skin of rhinos. They’d all throw their pet puppies under the bus to get to the top…
18 (aka The Worst). Virdi Singh Mazaria FIRED IN WEEK 7
The ego has landed with Virdi Mazaria, who introduces himself as: “Virdi Mazaria is in the house. DJ. Host. MC. The other candidates are just extras on my journey to the top.”
Music Producer Virdi, from Leicester, has a background in music, but all I could hear was some serious BS flowing from his mouth. He has a serious case of the mouth trots, and doesn’t let any of his fellow colleagues speak. Sure fire way to be hated, mate. He says he knows how to “make people have a good time” but he makes his fellow candidates feel ignored and undervalued. Idiotic mistake. His constant prattle about his DJing is frankly embarrassing, not to mention out of place.
Virdi has worked as a DJ in seven countries (he mentions it many times) first working internationally at the age of 18. Well good for you mate… But, if you’re such a successful DJ, why on earth are you prepared to be publicly humiliated on The Apprentice 2024? This man has such a thick skin, he doesn’t notice when everyone around him is giving him a death stare.
Oh, and that ambition to be in a Marvel movie as one of the Avengers? I think Chris Hemsworth can sleep soundly tonight.
The Apprentice candidates 2024 17. Dr Asif Munaf FIRED IN WEEK 3
Sheffield doctor Asif Munaf boasts: “I’ve got an extremely high IQ. I’ve got an extremely high bench press. And to top it off I’m quite good on the eye.”
Hmmm, can someone get this man a mirror? The most arrogant of the lot, he describes himself as “beauty, brains, body and business”. The four B’s… But Lord Sugar took the words right out of my mouth when he added a fifth B – succinctly put “bollocks”.
I’m not cruel enough to knock a doctor who worked 12 hour shifts during the Covid pandemic, but I do question why he chose that exact time to launch his vitamins and supplement business…
Dr Asif is clearly desperate to be on TV, too, and fame hungry isn’t a good look. He previously appeared on series 15 of Dragons’ Den with his D.A.T.E Smoothie. Deborah Meaden criticised the name of his product, while Peter Jones believed it would never go to market. Dr. Asif believes this was his biggest business fail, having left the Den with no investment. I strongly suspect Lord Sugar will do the same. Watch this space.
16. Oliver Medforth – FIRED IN WEEK 1
Yorkshire sales executive Oliver Medworth describes himself as “a selling machine”, but he barely opens his mouth during episode 1. It’s hard to make an impression when someone hasn’t spoken.
However, when he did speak, I wished he hadn’t. Will Lord Sugar put him trust in a man who doesn’t know the difference between a tablespoon or a teaspoon? I think not. And when all eyes are on him to make a perfect brownie, the imbecile forgets to put the flour in. Paul Hollywood would use this moron as a toothpick.
And then Oliver really ruins the silence by saying he’s never been in a kitchen before… Do his servants bring him his dindins in bed?
The Apprentice 2024 candidates 15. Tre Lowe
The Apprentice 2024 candidate Tre Lowe looks achingly hip. I’ve got to admit, I love he way he looks. So it was such a shame when he opened his mouth!
“I don’t think there’s ever been a candidate like me. I am going to change the world, and create a legacy that reverberates through time,” says Tre. Perhaps he thinks he’s Doctor Who?
Music and wellness entrepreneur Tre hopes to win investment for his wellness business, after being forced to give up music due to severe tinnitus.
The London-based entrepreneur is known internationally for being part of UK garage band Architechs. In 2000, the band hit no.3 in the UK music charts with their single Body Groove.
Whatever his past, Tre is the most patronising candidate. And methinks he’ll feel Lord Sugar’s wrath in the not-too distant future…
14. Rachel Woolford
Rachel is a total non-entity so far. She says about three words during the whole of the first episode. And they may as well be “don’t fire me”. Rachel is trying to fly under the radar. Which is a successful tactic sometimes, but boring to watch.
Boutique fitness studio owner Rachel, from Leeds, has been selling since she was a child. She went missing from home aged seven, only for her frantic mother to find her on the side of the road selling her toys while shaking a biscuit tin full of cash.
So she’s obviously got some gumption. So please show it to me!
The Apprentice 2024 candidates 13. Foluso Falade
Manchester-based project manager Foluso reckons she’s the “Mary Poppins of business”. But, like Rachel, she doesn’t shine at all at first. I’m struggling to remember a word she says.
Her business is a social enterprise, helping young people, and she aims for it to be the first of its kind to win Lord Sugar’s investment. That, at least, I can get behind.
Foluso’s passion for business comes from her mother, who ran a shop in Manchester for 25 years. She says: “I’ve always been inspired by her perseverance, and passion to keep growing and she’s inspired me to take a leap of faith and believe in myself.”
Foluso believes she is a “one-of-a-kind” and wants to build her business empire the ethical way. She’ll need to speak up to be noticed by Lord Sugar though…
12. Paul Bowen FIRED IN WEEK 2
Lancashire pie company owner talks in clichés and it’s so cringe. He talks about “closing a deal like a barn door – bang”. A barn door? How about the door to Lord Sugar’s office? Close it on your way out, won’t you?
If Sam is Del-Boy (see below), then Paul is definitely Rodney. He’s as gormless as they come, but thinks a patronising wink to two females will get him what he wants. It won’t.
Paul has some big name clients already – the pie-maker provides pies to European football champions Manchester City. He says he’s a hard worker with great ideas, and with investment he could make Lord Sugar “Lord of the Pies”.
He might have a chance, if he learns to rein in the claptrap.
The Apprentice 2024 candidates 11. Flo Edwards
Flo introduces herself, saying: “My warning to the other candidates is, don’t underestimate me. I’m a very competitive person, I’m not here to lose. I’m here to win.”
However, despite all the bluster, she’s clearly clueless about a lot of things during the first task. She suggests the tour group “give some rivery facts”. Never mind that “rivery” isn’t a word at all.
Sadly, recruitment consultant Flo, from London, has the charisma of a twig.
She takes a measured response to failure, believing: “If you don’t fail and make mistakes, you’ll never learn and grow.” And something tells me she’ll be making lots of mistakes.
10. Raj Chohan
Leamington Spa-based mortgage broker Raj has won ‘Mortgage Broker of the year’ as well as achieving the Silver Award winner of Best Businesswoman in Finance.
As well as being a mortgage broker, she is also a property developer and serviced accommodation provider. And, sadly, that’s as boring as it sounds.
Raj has barely registered on my radar so far. She needs to up her game, but I think she will when all the noise pipes down.
The Apprentice 2024 candidates 9. Maura Rath
Yoga company owner Maura, from Wexford, is another of the candidates who fades into the background at the moment. But at least, she hasn’t said anything stupid yet, so that’s no bad thing.
She reckons she deserves Lord Sugar’s investment because her business promotes positivity and well-being, as well as having five income streams.
In her spare time, Maura loves to swim in the Irish sea – regardless of the weather! She says: “I am obsessed with sea swimming and cold-water dipping and actually prefer the colder months.”
Might not be a valuable skill in The Apprentice, though, as it’s usually hot water the candidates are swimming in!
8. Onyeka Nweze FIRED IN WEEK 5
Chartered company secretary Onyeka, from London, tells us: “My business is going to be making 10 million within the first five years. To be honest, I don’t need Lord Sugar.”
Well off you trot then! Onyeka ‘Lord Sugar needs me’ Nweze hopes her tech business will be the first of its kind to win investment from Lord Sugar during The Apprentice.
But she shows poor leadership during the first task. Onyeka is the first woman to become a project manager, and we all know what that means. Disaster is usually just around the corner! And it doesn’t start well when the team disagree with her very first decision. Which is rather stupidly totally informed by the fact she can’t swim. She’s totally overwhelmed here, proving she’s style over substance.
However, credit where credit is due. She’s brave enough to lead the first task. And that wins my vote, against the women who would rather hide behind her.
The Apprentice 2024 candidates 7. Amina Khan FIRED IN WEEK 4
Ilford-based pharmacist and business owner Amina made her first turnover of £1 million just two years after setting up her skincare and supplements business. Which begs the question – what is she doing on The Apprentice 2024?
She describes herself as a “massive risk taker” who is capable of making “calculated decisions” when it comes to her business. Her results speak for themselves, she says, as she has never made a loss.
Amina reckons joining up with Lord Sugar would mean they could “dominate the market overnight”. But she’s suspiciously quiet at first.
That being said, I think she shows promise. I’d be surprised if she doesn’t last the distance – unless she does something very wrong in the meantime…
6. Steve Darken
London-based management consultant Steve Darken should change his middle name to “positivity”. He tries to be the peacekeeper here, and the men definitely need one with so many egos colliding.
He lists his proudest achievement as “proving that you can succeed in business without being a jerk”. And, on first impressions, he’s right. He’s not a jerk. Not yet anyway.
As a management consultant, he’s partnered with some of the biggest companies in the world, which he claims he transformed into market leaders.
Consultancy isn’t his first taste of success. He once won a filmmaking contest at Pinewood Studios and had a film screened at Cannes Film Festival.
He’s another candidate I feel hopeful about. At least he listens occasionally, rather than constantly prattling on like some of his fellow candidates.
The Apprentice 2024 candidates 5. Dr Paul Midha
Leeds-based dentist Dr. Paul managed to grow the valuation of his dental practice by over five times its initial value in just 15 months. He’s looking to “revolutionise the healthcare attire market” with his business idea.
He does seem to talk sense (more sense than some of his fellow candidates at least), and isn’t half as irritating. However, he’s another one who has tried fame before in different ways. Which doesn’t exactly make him come across as a serious businessman.
The Apprentice isn’t his first TV experience. He appeared on Britain’s Got Talent as a body popper, and has also appeared as an extra in a Disney TV show.
So is he just on The Apprentice to get famous? Time will tell, but so far so good.
4. Noor Bouziane FIRED IN WEEK 8
Liverpool business owner Noor “literally has competitiveness in her blood” so she really needs to see a doctor and fast. Either that, or she needs to look up the word “literally” in the dictionary.
She tells us: “I will go any lengths I have to go to win this process.” May I suggest a long walk off a short plank?
Noor started her premium jewellery business when she was 20, and believes Lord Sugar would be “missing out” if he chooses not to invest in her.
However, she does make a valid point when the girls decide to pay hundreds of pounds for “some sticks”. I was beginning to back her, until she uses crumble instead of breadcrumbs to coat some fishcakes in the kitchen. Sounds like another candidate who has never been in a kitchen before like Oliver, only she describes herself as a “fantastic” cook.
One thing is for sure, though, if she got a quid every time she said “literally” she would “literally” be the richest woman on earth. Literally.
The Apprentice 2024 candidates 3. Jack Davies FIRED IN WEEK 4
Bristol recruitment director Jack isn’t the loudest person in the room, which isn’t a bad thing. And he kinda looks like a Disney prince, if he keeps him mouth closed.
Jack also claims he’s never failed in business, saying that to him: “Failure is never an option.”
And he proves that when, after the task goes horribly wrong, he still asks for a tip at the end. Now that is the cheekiest thing uttered so far in The Apprentice 2024. And I kind of like him for it.
2. Phil Turner
Bognor Regis-based Phil ‘Supreme Pie Champion’ Turner tells us: “I didn’t come here to play games, and I didn’t come here to make friends.” Which is just as well, because he won’t.
He adds: “You don’t grow a multi-million business by being a pushover.” Again, I have to ask, why are you on The Apprentice if you’re such a badass businessman?
He bought his family’s small bakery at the age of 21 and transformed it into a seven-figure profitable business. And, to be fair, he’s got a level head on him. He doesn’t crack under the pressure (brownie joke, geddit?), and seems pretty sensible. I can see him working alongside Lord Sugar, if the Amstrad millionaire can face investing in another food outlet.
Phil manages to keep calm even when DJ Virdi is spinning BS, and that’s quite the talent to have. I would have performed a Highland fling on the man. And by that I mean catapulted him into the statosphere. Well, he does love to travel!
1 (aka The Best). Sam Saadet FIRED IN WEEK 6
For some reason Sam describes herself as the Del-Boy of business on her CV. She also agrees when Lord Sugar calls her a “plonker”. Am I missing something here? Much as we all loved Only Fools and Horses, Del-Boy was a walking disaster as a businessman. All jokes aside, should Sam be comparing herself to the TV fool?
I like that she’s self-deprecating, and can laugh at herself. But she should be careful others don’t take the piss. She’s by far the candidate with the most potential here. She’s likeable, savvy, and resourceful.
She’s currently a fitness coach for mums and mums-to-be only, a business she started whilst looking after her own two small children. No mean feat.
Sam describes herself as: “One of the savviest, go-getting women I know!” Although she looks like she could be at home on Love Island, she does seem to have some sense. I like her. For now. And would bet on her being in the final.
Read more: Meet The Apprentice 2024 candidates – from Dragons’ Den reject to Britain’s Got Talent auditionee
The Apprentice season 18 starts on BBC One and BBC iPlayer from Thursday, February 1, 2024 at 9pm.
Do you agree with my ranking of the 2024 Apprentice candidates? Leave us a comment on our Facebook page @EntertainmentDailyFix.