Football legend Chris Kamara has made a harrowing confession about contemplating taking his own life after receiving a debilitating health diagnosis.
The 64-year-old sportsman revealed last year that he has developed apraxia, a rare neurological condition affecting his speech. Following the diagnosis, the former professional footballer and manager turned pundit was forced quit his Sky Sports gig.
Chris Kamara discusses ‘dark times’
In his new autobiography, Kammy, which is being serialised in The Mirror, Chris laid bare the “dark times” triggered by his illness.
I could only see myself as a burden.
“I’m going to admit something now, something I’ve never mentioned before. It’s hard for me to talk about, so bear with me. As I was gripped by apraxia, and the apparent hopelessness of my future, I’d been escaping more and more down to the animals at the back of the house. Going down there allowed me to unravel my thoughts.”
He heartbreakingly went on: “And I’ll be honest, some of those thoughts could be dark. I’m a man who has always wanted to help, to provide, to love and nurture those around me. And now I could only see myself as a burden. A shell of the man I used to be that they would be left to look after. Seeing myself like that was like staring into an abyss.
“It’s at that point I’d think, they’d be better off without me. I thought of Gary Speed [who took his own life] and then I thought of my own position – a man in his mid-sixties, whose best days, because of a brain condition, were gone, struggling on while becoming a weight on all around him. Whose wife and children would be left to deal with whatever I became. I didn’t want that for Anne and the boys. So how do you prevent it from happening? You take yourself out of the picture. There were times when I definitely thought that was a way out.”
‘There is always hope’
However, Chris revealed that opening up about his feelings with others was the key to eventually escaping his inner turmoil.
He said when he did start to share his problems, he began to see “that the future might not be so bleak”.
Kammy added that he hopes by “being honest and talking about it, I can help others see that there is always another way out”.
He added that there is “always hope”, concluding: “You just have to let other people help you see it.”
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