A dad on Reddit has asked for advice after his wife told him off for visiting his late son’s grave on the same day as his living twin’s birthday.
He explained that five years ago, his son was born with a birth defect and only lived for three hours. He explained: “He had a name, two parents who loved him, and now he has a small grave in our local cemetery, buried next to the rest of my family.”
But his deceased son also had a twin sister, who has just turned five. The dad explained he goes to see his son’s grave each year on their birthday. But last year his wife decided not to go, and was angry that her husband decided to go this year.
Dad ‘furious’ that wife ‘told him off’ for visiting late son’s grave
The dad explained on Reddit that last year, he respected his wife’s decision to not visit their late son’s grave. But he said this year, his wife confronted him. She told him she was “tired of him living in the past” but he was left furious over one comment his wife made.
She told him: “He’s dead, hell he was barely even alive! I’m sick of you disappearing for hours on (my daughter’s) birthday night. I’m starting to think you love him more than her or me.” The man added that he always goes after his daughter has gone to bed.
He explained he has “no idea” that his wife felt that way. He added he was “horrified and furious” with her comments. The man admitted he was “ashamed” to admit that he shouted at her and she is now staying with her parents. He concluded the post: “I have apologised for my outburst via text, but she has not responded. Her unwillingness to communicate with me makes me think I might have done something unforgivable.”
Reddit users were divided over the situation
Many Reddit users were divided over the situation as they tried to offer the man advice. One person said: “Grieve how you need to. I would guess your wife’s outburst came from her going through her own grieving process. But just because she wants to move on one way, doesn’t mean you need to do the same. I think you should consider couples counselling with a counsellor who specialises in child loss.”
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of your child.
Another Reddit user added: “If you talk together as a family, you can probably learn how to make your wife and daughter feel like you’re giving them the attention they want, without it preventing you from going to visit your son’s grave for a while.” A third person commented: “There’s no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of your child. Neither of you is wrong. It’s just a thought – do you think your wife would have liked to spend that time with you? Remembering him together?”
Someone else agreed: “I think you should take some time to find a different way to honour your son on his birthday. It will be your daughter’s birthday for the rest of her life, and she will pick up on the fact that you leave for the cemetery and her mother is upset that you do so.
“What you are doing isn’t wrong, but you should pay attention that it is hurting your wife and she needs you to find a way that doesn’t highlight your son’s death on your daughter’s birthday. Therapy will help.”
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