A woman on Reddit has asked for advice after she apparently refused to pitch in money towards her sister-in-law’s IVF treatments. The woman explained her brother had become angry with her and her family are disappointed with her decision.
Many people online defended her and agreed she made the right decision. Other people admitted they saw where her sister-in-law and brother were coming from.
Woman refuses to pitch in on sister-in-law’s IVF treatments: ‘Not my responsibility’
The woman explained that her brother and sister-in-law always wanted children but struggled to conceive naturally. Her sister-in-law has ovarian cysts and eventually needed both her ovaries removed. As the couple are in their early thirties, they want to conceive as soon as possible.
The woman, seemingly based in the US, explained her brother and his wife need to raise $27,000 (around £21k) to pay for the treatment and medical bills relating to the IVF. They’ve saved $9,000 and raised a couple of thousands from other friends and family. But still short at $10,000 they asked her for the remaining amount.
The couple apparently explained that they cannot get a loan due to poor credit, and asked her to take out the loan on their behalf as advised by a loan advisor. When she asked why they didn’t ask the woman’s sister, they said she isn’t “single and childless” like her. The woman explained that she didn’t want to risk her brother and his wife not being able to pay back the loan.
She also added: “As harsh as it is to say, I don’t want to take out thousands of dollars in a loan for a procedure that has a good chance of not even working.” She explained that her brother had got angry with her for refusing to contribute and her family were disappointed. But as she wants to save money for her future family, she asked online if she was in the wrong.
‘I wonder if they can afford having a child’
Many people defended the woman and agreed they would do the same. One person wrote: “As a mum, I wonder if they can afford to have a child if they can’t even take a 10k loan.” Another person added: “That is not your responsibility. I am sorry they are struggling, but common sense would beg the question, if they cannot afford IVF, how could they afford the child? In addition, being single and childless and childfree doesn’t mean you don’t have your own obligations and causes to which you’d want your money to go. Best of luck to you.”
A third person agreed: “Why should you contribute more than anyone else in the family? Based on what everyone else gave, you should give $1000 like Nora’s sister did.”
Being single and childless and childfree doesn’t mean you don’t have your own obligations.
But some other people understood where the couple were coming through. As some people suggested adoption, one person explained: “Adoption is actually more expensive than IVF treatments! From the conversations with people around my age who adopted or considered it, it’s typically 50-80 grand from what I’ve been told.”
Another person said: “I’m a parent and can understand that the desire to have children can consume you in an almost grief-like way, but you can’t make it someone else’s responsibility, financial or otherwise, to make that pain go away.”
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