Comedian Katherine Ryan says she cannot fully trust men, including her husband and childhood sweetheart, Bobby Kootstra.
Katherine has one daughter from a previous relationship and three children with her husband, Bobby Kootstra. Their youngest, Holland Juliette, was born last October.
Writing in her new memoir, Confessions of a Firstborn Daughter, the comedian explains the thinking behind that stance.
She draws on her own relationship history, alongside accounts of women betrayed by partners they believed they could trust.
Katherine Ryan ‘can’t trust’ husband Bobby completely
In the book, Katherine writes: “I admit to not trusting men. Not even Bobby.”
“I can’t trust him 100 percent because to do so, I’d have to pretend I’d suffered some traumatic head injury that caused me to forget basic statistics and anecdotal evidence from over 40 years of knowing women who’ve been betrayed by even the ‘nice guys,'” she continued.
Katherine refers to women who experienced infidelity during pregnancy, as well as marriages affected by concealed gambling debts or addiction. She also mentions partners who had hidden another family.
Her argument is that knowing someone well cannot completely rule out the possibility that they are concealing something.
She challenges the idea that a seemingly happy relationship necessarily means both partners know everything about each other.
Her position also reflects cheating and other poor behaviour she has experienced in earlier relationships. The explanation centres on those experiences, rather than an allegation of wrongdoing by Bobby.
Katherine also argues that some men dismiss cheating or inappropriate behaviour on nights out as insignificant. By contrast, she believes women who cheat usually do so deliberately after falling out of love.
These are her views on relationships, rather than established differences between men and women.
Her conclusion about her own emotional security is blunt: “Being only 95 percent emotionally safe with Bobby is a survival skill.”
Katherine memoir explores family responsibilities
Trust is just one subject in Katherine’s second memoir, which also covers parenting, cosmetic surgery and family life.
Its title reflects the responsibility she associates with being a firstborn daughter. She explores the pressure to solve problems and provide emotional support for the rest of the family.
Katherine says the theme grew partly from conversations on social media and in WhatsApp groups. She presents the book primarily as a comedy memoir, while also examining ideas about birth order.
At Cheltenham Literature Festival, Katherine also reflected on her earlier years as a single mother.
She said having little money helped her recognise what mattered most: her children’s health. That realisation, she explained, helped her become more outspoken.
Her financial position has since changed, and she said she now owns property and feels comfortable. She also stressed the importance of financial literacy, reflecting on how far she has come.
Read more: Katherine Ryan considering ‘deadliest surgery you can get’ months after £23k facelift
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